Gossip Girl: If Blair has got to watch her back, Serena needs to keep an eye on her heart. We hear it may have been stolen by Lonely Boy.

Eric: Hey Mom. I'm sorry about tonight.

Lily: Oh, we'll talk about it in the morning. After you had a good night sleep in your own bed.
Eric: I'm going home?
Lily: I'm not sure exactly how this is gonna work, you know.
Eric: I'm not worried. (smiles) It's a good thing I didn't unpack.

Lily: Are you still the same guy you were when I took this photo?

Rufus: What? You took that photo? You weren't even at that show.

Lily: Oh, excuse me. If I remember, the first song was about me, the second one was about... your motorcycle. And then there was that one about that surf town. What was it?

Rufus: Saya Lida.

Lily: Saya Lida.

Rufus: Fisherman’s town.

Lily: Is that the one with the villa where we.... Yes indeed, it was.

Blair: Call me.

Serena: Yeah I will.

Blair: I was talking to Eric.

Rufus: You haven't changed a bit. You always have to be in control.

Lily: Hm. Well. I don't remember you complaining.

Rufus: Well I wasn't allowed to. It was one of your rules.

Dan to Jenny: What are you even doing here? You're supposed to be at a sleepover.

Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?

Dan: You made out with him?

Wall Street: No. I made out with her.

Blair: Ew. It was a dare.

Amanda: A dare? What are you, children?

Dan: Yeah, pretty much. She's fourteen.

Amanda: Are you her? Are you Claire?

Serena: What? No.

Lily: I'll pass on a glass of that non-premium liquor you're drinking. But I will take something to eat, thank you for offering. What? You still know how to cook, don't you?

Lily: So I made some calls but, as it turns out, none of my people know your people. Shocking, but true. Either "Dan Humphrey" is an alias or your son is not very popular. Regardless, I need that number.

Serena: There's something vibrating in your pocket and I really hope it's your phone.

Serena: You promised if I lost again you'd teach me.

Dan: Alright. That's a promise I intend to keep. Not just for you, but for dive bars everywhere. All across America.

Blair: Look at the Hedge Fund Mafia in here. I thought matchy-matchy was over.

Wall Street: Hey, Baby. You wanted to, ah, maybe show me to the bathroom, get lost somewhere around coat check?

Blair: My answer is usually never say never. But for you I'll make an exception.

Rufus answering the phone: This better not be my wife.

Lily: Rufus, do you always answer the phone like that?

Rufus: Lily?

Lily: Listen, I need your son's cellphone number. It's an emergency.

Rufus: A real emergency or a Lily emergency?

Lily: I have a situation here.
Rufus: A situation? Your son is with your daughter and my kid. I trust them. Why don't you?
Lily: Rufus—
Rufus: Goodbye Lily. Always a pleasure.

Dan about his pool winnings: 75 bucks. I think that pays for your duck.

Serena: That it does.

Blair: C'mon, let's go. I heard you were bored and I... figured I owed you one.

Eric: Yeah, try fifty.

Blair: Okay, c'mon. Get a move on. C'mon.

Intake Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?

Blair: Mm... caffeine. Nicotine. Ketamine. GHB. PCP. LSD. Dir- Diazepam. Lorazepam. All the pams, really. I don't discriminate.

Intake Nurse: Apparently not.

Jenny: Surprise.

Eric: Jenny, hey. What are you doing here?

Jenny: Your SOS was heard and answered. C'mon, we're breaking you out.

Eric: How are you— wait. What do you mean, "we"?

Gossip Girl: Spotted fleeing dessert: S and Lonely Boy. Lighter than air and heading downtown.

Dan: I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?

Serena: No. Look, I wanted a date with you. Just not the date you thought I wanted. It's... it's fine.

Dan: Alright. Well, then. If it's a real Dan Humphrey date that you want, then it's a real Dan Humphrey date that you're gonna get. Let's go.

Serena: Really?

Dan: Yes.

Serena: Are you sure you didn't want any of my dinner? Your entrée was so small.

Dan: No no, it was amazing. I didn't realize fish could be creamed.

Blair: As my mother always says, "Fashion knows not of comfort. All that matters is the face you show the world." And your face looks like it's going to Bat Mitzvah. But before we continue the renovation {grabs a martini glass} Martini?

Jenny: Oh, no thanks. I don't like vodka.

Blair: Well, that's nice. Because this is gin.

Blair [as Jenny tries on outfits]: Too Beyoncé. Too Mary-Kate. Too Hannah Montana.

Gossip Girl: Here's an inside tip, Little J: the faster you rise, the harder you fall. Hope that Hello Kitty sleeping bag doubles as a parachute.

Gossip Girl: Spotted on the steps of the Palace: Cinderella stepping onto a pumpkin instead of her carriage. Lucky for Lonely Boy there's more than one fable filling our inbox.

Lily: Home by one o'clock. Bonus points for 12:45.

About the Palace

Dan: It's a nice place that you and... eight hundred other people have got here.

Serena: Yeah, the identical surroundings do make you crazy after a little while. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a secret government experiment.

Eric [to Lily]: You want to keep me here forever!

Blair: Little Jenny Humphrey. Why didn't I think of you before? You have no plans. You're coming to the soirée.

Jenny: Me? Really?

Kati and Iz: Her? Really?

Serena: Look, I'm really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something. I—

Blair: I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination.